Thirteen, Twenty Two, Too Many

Apparently we're in a worldwide financial crisis. I didn't notice at first because I'm living in a capitalist paradise earning tax-free petro-dollars but the other day I glanced at the TV and saw so many dire's, meltdown's and breaking-point's that I had to rush to Britney's twitter to make sure she was OK. Turns out she was, but the entire world's economy is apparently fucked up. 

What caused it? Greedy cunts and over-empowered morons it looks like, but playing the blame game in a time where lynchings are frowned upon is not as fun as it used to be. The real question now is how do we get out of it? And here is where the crisis has really affected me. I have no idea. 

For years I've been blogging about the ills of the world but I've had the power of self-righteous arrogance on my side. I had answers to all the problems you could think of. Global Warming? Turn to renewables and stop wasting energy. Refugees coming to Australia? Follow international laws, treat them like human beings and don't lock them up in the Australia desert. War in Iraq? Stop invading Iraq you bloodthirsty warmongers. Simple answers to complex-to-all-but me problems. But now I've hit a snag. Financial crisis? Well, just... fucked if I know. 

I sort of know what should not have happened, but I think everyone knows that and is fairly much in agreement. Wall street and the major players in the US should not have been allowed to sell junk products by repackaging dept into deceptively attractive derivatives while the banks continued to provide fuel for these junk assets through irresponsible lending thus over-inflating the worldwide market and setting us up for a big old crash. That bit is easy, the hard part is how to fix it all. 

Bail out toxic-asset riddled banks or allow them to go bankrupt? Cut down on spending or spend unprecedented amounts? Increase tariffs to protect local jobs or drop tariffs to increase global trade? Lower interest rates or higher interest rates or just right interest rates? I don't have a fucking clue, and it shits me. All the other problems of the world I had an easy answer to. Now I've got nothing. 

So in the words of a CEO to the junior IT guy after the monthly reports spreadsheet has gone missing, "Just fix it!". It shames me to say but that's how I feel. Fix this fucking mess so we can all get back to normal. And by normal I mean implementing unprecedented reforms in order to save the world from global climate change and environmental poisoning destruction. 

Because that's the fucked thing isn't it? Good things were just starting to happen environment-wise then the economy decided to shit itself. What CEO is going to spend millions on green initiatives when the good PR they would normally receive from it will almost certainly be overshadowed by the thousands of job losses they've just made. 

We're all like a hungover college kid after a big night at the casino. 11 hours ago we were $250 up and looking forward to getting the gas reconnected, then suddenly we're not sure if getting the bus to Uni is a financially responsible move considering that the $4.30 left in our jeans represents the remaining budget for the fortnight. 

What the fuck were we doing for the last 5 years? Unemployment at record lows, huge surpluses, record wages. What do we have to show for it? 8 months of stormy weather and we're hocking the engagement ring at cashies. 

Basically, we needed a good slapping and we've just had it. But I really hope this nice Mr Obama fixes it all up for us so we don't all have to start learning Mandarin, most important leader of the antipodeans excepted of course.