What’s that Skip? You go well with barbeque sauce?

You know what we should all do? Stop eating beef and switch to kangaroo.

Bizarrely enough a recent story in the Gulf News (UAEs premier government censored news source) prompted me to think about this. The article said that Kangaroos fart and burp a hell of a lot less than cows do, and that cow farts release lots of methane which is really bad for the environment (much worse than CO2).

I’m sure this is just an AAP story doing the rounds, but I’ve been thinking and talking about the topic for a while now, so here goes my unresearched opinion.

Reasons that we should switch to roo:

Kangaroos are native to Australia, therefore the environment is used to them being around and they don’t mess it up to any great degree. Hard hoofed animals destroy the land. Two legs good, four legs bad.

Kangaroos can be wild for their whole lives, while cows have to be kept caged in. Ok, cows are stupid and probably don’t give a fuck that they are in a field because we have domesticated them to the point of being on an intellectual par with a carrot, but still, they are locked up as opposed to roaming free.

While cows generally live a pretty nice life just standing around in fields eating grass all day, they do have a pretty horrendous end. I’m pretty sure they know something is going on when they get herded into the house of screams that smells like blood and death. As much as I love my burgers, it plays on my mind that Bessy has a terrifying end.
Shooting wild kangaroos on the other hand is much better. They live their life just doing their own thing like normal, then one day a 10 gram piece of lead smashes through their skull at 1000 feet per second. Skippy doesn’t feel a thing.

The best environment for Kangaroos is natural bushland. So instead of clearing land for grazing and destroying the environment we can ‘farm’ them on natural Aussie bush. Or more realistically just knock down the fences and let the land go back to bushland.

Lastly, the roos have a sporting chance. Not much of a chance, admittedly, but at least a small chance that their super sensitive ears or super hopping will make the shooter miss. More chance than a cow in an abattior holding yard anyway.

So there you have it. You can continue to kill the environment if you want, but I’m grabbing my 308 and heading out bush. OK, I’m in the Middle East so that might be a bit hard, but I did see a few at the Dubai Zoo.

Here Skip!

Animated gif fun!

There is an awesome site that lets you create easy amimated gifs of yourself.

The website is here. Go there and make something stupid of yourself and post it here.

After you have made one and said saved it will say Visit your web-cam-stop-motion-thing. Click on that and it will give you the code for it. Where it says Embed this Web-cam-stop-motion-thing: just copy the code underneath it

The code thing is in it's own little window and it looks like href="http://www.piterwilson-toys.com/wcsmt/...
If you copy that and make a comment I will post it here under my ones.

Here are some stupid ones I made. It's best to do it in the daytime because webcams suck in low light.










Web 2.36 Bitches

What's the sound of one nut blogging (title change)

[quick edit to remove some craziness]

You know what I dislike quite a bit? Lack of freedom of speech.

I heard about the story the other day about a book publisher refusing to publish a book because it might be offensive to Muslims. Random House has reportedly refused to publish Sherry Jones’ new book called ‘The Jewel of Medina’, about the life of one of Mohammed’s wives Aisha.

From the story I heard on AM the publisher took counsel from an Islamic expert at some university who said that the book would be offensive to Muslims. That may be, but anyone with any guts shouldn’t give a fuck about that.

Anyone should be able to publish anything they want. Well, actually, Australian law prevents people publishing material that promotes violence towards a certain group of people (which is why my masterwork “Let's bash Jack Peterson because he is gay” never got past the censors) and, although it cost me a three book deal, I’m inclined to agree with that particular law.

But I see absolutely nothing wrong with talking shit about religion. By that I don’t mean that we should all talk shit about religion, but we should all be able to talk shit about religion if we want to. It’s free fucking speech for fuck’s sake.

It’s the same with those stupid cartoons of Mohammed that nutballs burned effigies and rioted over. These nutballs basically threatened the entire world into not publishing them again. Not everyone exactly, but enough to make the international media look like cowards.

Besides the pussying out of the Aussie media over the Mohammed cartoons, I think Australia has it pretty right. You can write whatever you want, unless it incites violence or defames someone, in which case you can be sued... unless they are dead. This gives perfect immunity to Jesus or Mohammed hating folk out there, barring the second coming of course.

I also heard that this new book, The Jewel of Medina, is a piece of historically inaccurate drivel wrapped up as historical fiction. Once again, who cares? As far as crap works of fiction that go against the teachings of major religions go it can’t be worse than the Divinci Code, and that sold sixty million copies! If you don’t like it then write a fucking book showing how stupid and wrong you think it is.

So let me just get this argument out in the open. If you love your God or Prophet and believe he is all that and a bag of potato chips then what do you care what anyone else says about him? For soul emcompassing matters such as these, the only reason to be so mad about it is if you are not really committed to the cause and snide remarks actually cause you to question your faith. The irony is that it’s only seventeen cross wearing Christians or Mohammed Mohammed Mohammeds who get all shitty about this. They should be the ones least affected by the heathen’s taunts.

Defensiveness is a classic sign of uncertainty.

Google Street View is in Australia!

Google has just released StreetView for Australia. Check it out... now! It’s fucking awesome.

For those of you who don’t know what StreetView is it’s where the Google people drive around in a van with a multi lens camera on the top taking photos of everything every twenty metres. The result is that you can look at your house on Google Maps!

Here is my last place in Brisbane. They even caught the very lovely but clearly retarded lolly-pop lady who I used to chat to every now and then.


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And here is 98 East St Brompton. Home of the infamous ‘Straight Outta Brompton’ and ‘Hot August Ninth’ parties.


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Shit, Google are even more awesome than I though. You can click and drag those pictures to have a look around.

You know, the odds are pretty high that at least one of us is in these photos. I have an experiment. Find somewhere near where you live, find a nearby newsagent, zoom in on the newspaper board, read the headline, work out the date, remember where you were that day and find yourself. Easy... maybe.

Anyway, I'm off to see who was drinking at the Exeter that day.


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Quick edit: Looks like adelaide was taken around October last year. (zoom in)


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Requiem for a Pizza

The thing about drinking a lot is it gives you lots of stories. Sure, it also gives you cancer of the bowel, liver damage and bankruptcy but as you lie dying in your public hospital room you will surely have a lot of stories to tell. Here is one of mine that I was reminded of today.


The happened a few years ago when I was living in a little cottage house in Adelaide with my good mate Cam.

The house was in the south-west corner of the Adelaide city square. There were about a dozen pubs within walking distance and a bottle shop at the end of the alley out the back gate so we were in prime drinking territory. As you can image, we did not squander our fortune and were known to wet our whistles more than most.

The following took place somewhere between 1am and 4am on what was probably a Saturday night. We had been sinking piss for hours at one of the local public houses, as was the tradition of the time, and had either run out of money or hit the wall and decided to head home. On the walk back to the shack the topic of delicious pizza came up. Specifically how we should definitely order some as soon as we opened the door.

The problems with ordering pizza at 1am are twofold; there are only a few places that will deliver it, and it takes about an hour to arrive. There are two basic instincts that drive a drunken man’s brain at 1am, the first is food, and the second is sleep. Well, actually there are three but since the two of us were alone the third was obviously not an option. So basically it works like this, if the inebriated man does not find delicious pizza has materialised in front of him quickly, he will fall asleep. This had proven quite a problem for the Cam-Sam household.

My housemate had developed the habit of calling for pizza in the early hours of the morning then succumbing to his tiredness and falling asleep. This had the pleasant consequence of saving him $30 in the morning, but the unpleasant consequence of leaving the delivery guy banging in futility on the door at two in the morning and subsequently getting the household banned from the pizza house. This had happen on a few occasions recently and the thought of a complete ban from all establishments pizza must have shocked me enough that I vowed that it would not happen this night.

In the end, Cam ordered the pizza and fell asleep. This left me holding the bag, or at least the $30 in fives and coin. What to do? I was so tired but the thought of being blacklisted by our beloved San Giorgio’s was too much for me to go to bed. No, I must stay up for one hour. So I devised a plan.

As with many plans made at 1am on a gut full of Cooper’s Pale Ale this was a poor one. My plan was to sit by the door so that when the pizza guy arrived, if I had somehow fallen asleep then his knocking on the door would wake me. As I grabbed a pillow to soften the tiled floor and propped myself up besides the door I thought I had it all worked out. Wait an hour, pay pizza man, eat pizza, sleep. Simple.

...

I was woken some time later by an ambulance officer grabbing me by the shoulders and shaking me. As I open my bleary eyes I saw that behind him was another ambo and a policeman. A quick look around my surroundings confirmed that I was still in the hallway where I sat down, but it seemed that an Emergency Services squad had decided to conduct their yearly exercises there as well.

Behind the cop stood an equally bleary eyed Cam, freshly emerged from his nearby bedroom and wondering, quite understandably, what the fuck was going on. The ambo who didn’t have hold of me was looking urgently at Cam and shouting the phrase “What has he had?” over and over. I’ve woken up in some strange predicaments over the years but this was by far the strangest.

It seems my efforts to stay awake had not lasted as long as I had guessed and it looks like I had fallen asleep immediately. To get more comfortable I must have laid down a bit. This would have all been nobody’s business but that particular house had a frosted glass door at the front. To this day I blame that fucking door.

The sequence went like this; Pizza man comes to the door, sees me lying in a strange position in the hallway and not responding to his knocks and yells. Pizza man calls the cops. Cop shows up and sees an obvious drug overdose and call an ambulance. Ambos come while the cop jumps the back fence to get into the house. Ambo shakes me awake while the other one interrogates Cam about how much smack I’ve had.

In the end the situation worked out ok. The pizza man was still there after they woke me up so after I had explained everything to the cops and medicos I asked him how much the pizza was, paid for it and offered everyone a slice. There were no takers but no one was too angry. The pizza man was relieved I was ok and we thanked him for doing the right thing in trying to save someone’s life, the ambos were just glad they didn’t have to deal with another messy overdose and I think the cop just thought it was funny.

I woke up the next morning thinking I had had the strangest dream, but the empty pizza box never lies.

Shortest Penis Contest - Make yourself feel better

I know making a post about one link is a little cheap but this made me laugh like a drunken hyena so here we go.

From the consistently offensive and NWS Howard Stern radio show - The 1st Annual Small Penis Contest

I hope exposing themselves to the crudest of radio shock jock's and millions of people via the internet gave them renewed confidence, but I seriously doubt it.

This is why guys start those weird secluded cults and try to marry thirteen year olds. “Yeah baby, that’s about as big as they get, honest.”