ImADisturbedFreakWithACreditCard.com

Quick post for shits and giggles. Ever wonder how many websites there are out there? Well, according to this site there are currently 100 million domain names registered. For the uninitiated, a domain name is the www.SamsHentaiPorn.com/japanesesschoolgirls.html part of an internet address. Underneath the domains are the kazillions of actual websites, but the domain names are the things that are more highly sought after because they are easier to remember and the popular ones are actually worth a lot of money.

So there are 100 million domains currently out there, but what is more interesting is that there are 325 million deleted or expired ones. To own a domain you need to register it with the Internet Corporation for Assigned Names and Numbers (don't they sound like a bunch of party animals). You pay a little bit of cash each year to keep ownership of the name, and if you forget to pay or don't want it anymore then it expires and someone else can come along and register it.

This site lists the staggering number of domains that have expired in the last month. Now anyone can make a webpage or blog on one of the billions of sites like blogger.com or geocities (check out my completely shit geocities website from eons ago) but it takes a little bit more effort to register a domain name. Presumably you have some kind of plan for what you want to do with the site. So that makes it all the more interesting when you have a look at the domains that people have registered.

So I've found a few gems. What the hell were these people thinking? And what stopped them from fulfilling their destiny?

HotChicks.com is probably a fairly valuable website, why not make a variant of that?

hotchickswhodatedouchebags.com - Are you a douchebag looking for that special someone?
hotchickswithsportspicks.com - Nothing gets me hotter than a women who picks all eight.


Hmm... How do I?

howdoibecomejewish.com - What?
howdoierectmypenis.com - When it happens, you'll know.
howdoifindmymugshot.com - ?
howdoihavemorecum.com - My secret shame.
howdoiknowifimpregant.com - Web 2.0 is amazing.
howdoimakefog.com - ?
howdoiputoilin.com - Very specific car maintenance site?
howdoirideabicycle.com - This site presumably went downhill due to lack of repeat business.
howdoishowthemlove.com - Them?
howdoitalianseat.com - Lika dis!
howdoithrowafrisbee.com - Come on. Seriously?
howdoitiemyselfup.com - ?


Worst Business name?

essentiallypainfree.com


The Internet, linking up people with bizarre fettishes since 1993...

eroticbeltbuckle.com
erotichypnosiscommunity.com
eroticmafia.com
eroticwhittling.com - Are splinters a problem?
sexyarabwomens.com - Suddenly more relevant to me.
sexybeggers.com
sexyblueprints.com
sexybusdrivers.com
sexyladyfarts.com - No, surely not.
sexyphysicist.com


Weird...

wherecanisellmygirlfriend.com
deathtowhitey.com
killthebroccoli.com
ihatetoeatvinegar.com
wherehaveallthebritishvirginsgone.com


Rate my pic is a successful site, how about its lesser known cousins.

ratemybabypoo.com
ratemycamelytoe.com
ratemygaskmask.com
ratemyinsides.com - That is quite creepy.


This site has potential

ihatemymother-in-law.com


Creepy...

ihatemysisteriwishshewasgone.com
iloveyouandimissyou.com


What is it with people named Sarah?

ihatesarahamilton.com
ihatesarahconnolie.com
ihatesarahgallagher.com
ihatesarahmalone.com
ihatesarahmarahall.com
ihatesarahmarashalls.com
ihatesarahmarchell.com
hatesarahmarsahall.com
ihatesarahmarshll.com
ihatesarahmicheal.com
ihatesarahmithcall.com
ihatesarahmrshal.com
ihatesarahmurphy.com
ihatesarahmurray.com
ihatesarahrichordson.com
ihatesarahshred.com
ihatesarahwilliams.com
ihatesaramarsal.com
ihatesaramarshel.com
ihatesaramichaels.com
ihatesaramiller.com


A chilling warning.

ihatevirginiatech.com

Post any good ones you find.

Please deliver it to the corner of UAE and Oman

Hi there, how are you? Look, I've been meaning to call but.. well, I lost your number and ...

Ok, I've been slack. But now I'm back, and I will update this blog every week, in sha Allah.

So I'm in the UAE. It's a far cry from Australia, in both distance and political freedom, so I have to tone down my vitriolic hatred of my ruling masters somewhat. According to the message that blocks my internet when I visit 4chan the authorities here try to censor all sites "being inconsistent with the religious, cultural, political and moral values of the United Arab Emirates." As such, I will try to offend none of those, and concentrate on a topic that no one would consider slanderous, the Addressing System!

Now some of you may wonder about what I mean by the phrase 'Addressing System', and that is not without reason. It may very well be correct, but I have never had a cause to name the system by which we receive mail and find locations. Like if someone asked you to name the way we size shirts, you would probably just reply "Well, that's just the way it's always been done." Well not here.

Addressing here is something that seems to have been put on the backburner. The very last backburner. Now don't get me wrong, the city of Abu Dhabi is a meticulously planned out city. It is arranged in a New York or Adelaide style grid, which would presumably lead to ordered and efficient addressing, but no. You see, streets here are arranged in a grid, but that seems only for show. For a grid system to function efficiently you need two things: consistently name streets and street numbers, none of which Abu Dhabi has.

Streets here have three names. First there is the official name, usually named after some high ranking dignitary. Second there is the grid name, a number designated by the grid of the city. And thirdly there is the common name, the name that everyone actually uses.

Let me give you an example. I live on the corner of Sheik Rashid Bin Saeed Al Maktoum St and Al Falah St. These are the actual names of the street and the ones you will find in the common maps, but they are utterly useless to you and I urge you to purge them from your memory.

I also live on the corner of 2nd street and 9th street. This system is useful in describing your location to other tourists who have been here long enough to discard the formal names listed above.

I also live on the corner of Airport road and Passport road, and this is all you need to know to arrive near my front doorstep. These are the common names that the all important taxi drivers use. If you ask a taxi driver to take you to 9th and 2nd he will, most often than not, nod politely and drive off for 45 minutes before subtly indicating that he has no idea where you want him to go.

The problem with this system is that there is no consistency. Half the street signs will show the formal name, most will show the numbered name, and none will show the common name. Very few maps (and if you find one hold on to it) will show all three names, as in "Sheik Rashid Bin Saeed Al Maktoum St (2nd Street) (Airport Road)".

That system if useful, if incredibly frustrating, enough to get you to the place if you are in a taxi, but the real mystery occurs when you want something delivered. Those common names, and even the numerical names, only map out a very patchy grid of the city. The real magic happens inside those grids. You see, within each grid, the number system starts again. Yes, within each 2x2 kilometre grid, there is another number system that has the same names. So in between 4th and 6th street and 5th and 7th street (odd number are kinda east to west, even number are kinda north to south) there are another bunch of 4th, 5th, 6th and 7th streets. Rendering the whole number system useless.

As mad as this sounds, it doesn't seem to throw the locals into revolt as you might expect. In fact, they thrive, and this is where the real mystery gets to me, by a booming delivery business. Everyone from your local Pharmacy to your local KFC is happy to deliver your order. I have spend many a sleepless night wondering where they are delivering these packages to. Like I said, I live in a hotel on the corner of Airport road and Passport road, but there are several dozen businesses who share that address. My actual address, according to the courier who came earlier tonight, is Room ###, Hotel Name, Corner Airport & Passport, Behind National Bank of Abu Dhabi. That seems fine for me, because I live on the corner of a 14 story hotel with Hotel Name in 3 foot high letters on the side, but what about the average punter.

Most people live in nondescript apartment buildings beneath a block of businesses consisting of four barbers, three small supermarkets and a couple of mobile phone shops. I simply have no idea how these people describe their location. Let alone how barber shop number 192387 on Airport road gets his gel delivered.

So that's Abu Dhabi life issue 00000001. Next issue I'll tell you how to dispose of your mounting Dirham coin collection.