Australia the Great!
I’ve so far managed to keep this blog mainly about our perfect little country called Australia and it’s crazy politicians. I’m still up for plugging ‘straya, but my politics theme may just have run its course. So I’m trying a different angle today… Australia the Great!
I heard the other day that Australia is the world leader in greenhouse gas emissions. That’s right, we bag the yanks for their 9 litre hummers and 13 bedroom, perpetually lit homes but, per capital, we actually kick their arse in destroying the planet.
So I got thinking, what else are we tops at? Google was my friend.
Well, sticking with the global destruction theme, Australia manages to be both the driest continent on earth, as well as the heaviest user of water per capita. I’m all for cutting back where we can, but I still believe every Australian is entitled to their own quarter acre of flooded rice paddy.
It is a bit depressing though, so how about something more uplifting? How about this, we are the highest users of ecstasy per capita in the world. Admittedly that was back in 2005, but from the euphoric, bordering on comatose looks on the younger punter’s faces the last time I hit the dodgier nightclubs of Brisbane’s Fortitude Valley I’m pretty sure we will hold this one for at least as long as our 18 year ashes run.
We also have the highest rates of skin cancer in the world. No surprises there I suppose, we’re a nation of pinkies living in a land of eternal sunshine. Though according to latest research we should evolve a protective darker skin in five to ten thousand years.
According to the Durex Global Sex Survey 2005, Australians have the highest rates of having sex in a park. Not bad, but probably not a statistic we want printed on a commemorative dollar coin. We came second in the world for the highest average number of sexual partners. One shag each behind Turkey if you can believe it, randy bastards. I reckon this is an easy one we can knock off, what with all our ecstasy use and all.
We also work the most number of hours per week of any country in the world, beating even Japan. It all starts to make sense now. We work like dogs to pay for our massive cars and houses, take ecstasy to dull the pain of our workaholic lifestyles then shag in the park, under the sprinklers to cool our growing skin cancers.
It’s not a bad list, but, like the ‘most sexual partners’ stat, we’re just a few spots away from the gold in quite a few lucrative polls. Here is some homework people. We are:
Second in the developed world for unemployed single parents.
Second in the developed world for violent crime.
Third in the world for teenage abortion.
Third in the world for petrol use.
Fifth in the world for obesity.
If we all pitch in and focus on the titles we’re close to claiming, I think we can cement our place as a nation of greats.
I heard the other day that Australia is the world leader in greenhouse gas emissions. That’s right, we bag the yanks for their 9 litre hummers and 13 bedroom, perpetually lit homes but, per capital, we actually kick their arse in destroying the planet.
So I got thinking, what else are we tops at? Google was my friend.
Well, sticking with the global destruction theme, Australia manages to be both the driest continent on earth, as well as the heaviest user of water per capita. I’m all for cutting back where we can, but I still believe every Australian is entitled to their own quarter acre of flooded rice paddy.
It is a bit depressing though, so how about something more uplifting? How about this, we are the highest users of ecstasy per capita in the world. Admittedly that was back in 2005, but from the euphoric, bordering on comatose looks on the younger punter’s faces the last time I hit the dodgier nightclubs of Brisbane’s Fortitude Valley I’m pretty sure we will hold this one for at least as long as our 18 year ashes run.
We also have the highest rates of skin cancer in the world. No surprises there I suppose, we’re a nation of pinkies living in a land of eternal sunshine. Though according to latest research we should evolve a protective darker skin in five to ten thousand years.
According to the Durex Global Sex Survey 2005, Australians have the highest rates of having sex in a park. Not bad, but probably not a statistic we want printed on a commemorative dollar coin. We came second in the world for the highest average number of sexual partners. One shag each behind Turkey if you can believe it, randy bastards. I reckon this is an easy one we can knock off, what with all our ecstasy use and all.
We also work the most number of hours per week of any country in the world, beating even Japan. It all starts to make sense now. We work like dogs to pay for our massive cars and houses, take ecstasy to dull the pain of our workaholic lifestyles then shag in the park, under the sprinklers to cool our growing skin cancers.
It’s not a bad list, but, like the ‘most sexual partners’ stat, we’re just a few spots away from the gold in quite a few lucrative polls. Here is some homework people. We are:
Second in the developed world for unemployed single parents.
Second in the developed world for violent crime.
Third in the world for teenage abortion.
Third in the world for petrol use.
Fifth in the world for obesity.
If we all pitch in and focus on the titles we’re close to claiming, I think we can cement our place as a nation of greats.
Labels: Random
posted by Sam Cox at
23:43
6 Comments:
Hey Sam, what about gambling? We are the best gamblers in the world (not necessarily the best winners...). We spend an average of just under $1000 each, every year. Sticking with my African theme, I won't make any comments on how many Ethiopian families each of us could feed by sending the money to PLAN rather than flushing it into the coffers of Star City or Crown...
By
Tom Punter, At
4 December 2007 02:47
Shit, thanks Tom, how could I miss that one. We're a nation of staggering gamblers, er, sorry, gamers.
As a New South Welshman you should be proud of the stat that NSW has the most poker machines per capital in the world.
As for feeding the starving Ethiopians, I'm sure most Aussies would gladly throw some of their hard earned at the problem, as long as there was some sort of game involved. Maybe we could put numbers of them and have them race to a UN truck or something.
Make a form guide and run eight races each Saturday and we'll soon be the most charitable nation on earth.
By
Sam Cox, At
4 December 2007 11:02
Are we still up there as most mobile phones per head? And linked to our greenhouse figures the most autos per head?
Also our Test team kicks fucking arse
By
Warnie, At
4 December 2007 13:02
Sport was a deliberate omission Warnie. Chucker just broke your record anyways.
By
Sam Cox, At
4 December 2007 14:22
Just put it all on 5 on your very first bet at the roulette table, Tom Punter. I still remember wanting to just leave and celebrate...but you two fcukrs didn't wanna!
By
Raybo No 5, At
4 December 2007 19:16
A nation of gamblers? Pffft fifty bucks says you are WRONG
By
Andrew, At
5 December 2007 11:15
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